Ever since I was a kid, I felt like there would be a certain birthday that would be the changing factor. A birthday that I would wake up and say to myself, “I really feel like I’m a complete adult now.” At first, I figured it would be my 18th birthday because, I mean, that’s when you’re considered an adult by the law, right? I woke up on my 18th birthday still feeling like a kid. Then I thought maybe it would be when I turned 20 because then I wouldn’t have teen at the end of my age. Once again, I woke up still feeling like a kid. Maybe 21 because I can buy alcohol? No go, still a kid. Surely 24 because I’d now be in my mid-20’s and a college graduate. No such luck, I still woke up not feeling like a complete adult.
I started to realize after about my 22nd birthday that maybe being an adult or feeling like an adult was more to do with having responsibilities; paying bills, having a job, etc. In that aspect, yes, I am an adult, but I always thought there would be some greater knowledge or understanding of life. Feeling like, “Yeah, I’ve got this under control. I am an adult, after all.”
Getting pregnant and progressing through this pregnancy, Nick and I have both had moments where we look at each other and say, “I can’t believe we’re going to be parents.” It’s not at all that we feel ill equipped to be parents, but I think it’s more to do with the fact that we are going to be in charge of raising and protecting these babies. I never had to take a class on this. I never took a test that said I could have a baby and be a good parent. Yes, I have been reading books, and we took a Labor and Birth class, but that didn’t tell us how to be parents, that simply informed us on how to breathe during labor, and not completely fail at basic baby care. I keep reminding myself that even though I may not feel like a complete adult, I may not know how to be a perfect mother, but what I do know is, I will love these babies with all my heart. I know Nick will adore these small humans that we created together. Our babies. Maybe that is where every new parent must start.
We’ll eventually understand our babies. We’ll be able to listen to a particular cry and know whether they need to be fed, changed, put to sleep, or they might just be pissed and need to cry a bit (I’ve heard of the “witching” hour). I’m sure leaving the hospital will be one of the scariest moments of our lives thus far. We won’t be leaving with an instruction manual that tells us about our babies. We won’t have any real clue what to do. What we will have is each other, and we will have some pretty intense love for these babies, I know we both already do.
This feeling of, “We’re aloud to do what?! We can be parents?!” is something I assume many (if not all) new parents feel. Do I feel like a complete boss at being an adult? No. But I know Nick and I will do anything for these babies. We will do our best to always do what is right by them. We will love them more than anything. When it all comes down to it, I think that’s a pretty great place to start.
Here’s to never being a complete adult, and to never giving up the glimmer of youth.